Buying your kids the presents they want for Christmas is something every parent wants to be able to do. Unfortunately not everyone could afford to get them the best computer, bike or whatever they ask “Santa” for. Having second source of income like the Option robot could be the difference between having your children happy for the winter vacation and making them upset.
Dear Santa Claus:
Thank you for the letter you sent me. I hadn’t heard from you in a while and I’d started to worry. That’s wonderful news about you and the Missus. Let me know when you decide on a name. You’ve become quite a celebrity in recent years. I can’t think of a more-deserving fellow than you.
I ran into Lady Befana the other day. What a delightful woman she is. We had a wonderful conversation about cooking fish, of all things. Can you believe she’s never had Lutefisk? For a woman who’s lived for more than two-thousand years and seen just about every corner of the planet, she’s not very experienced when it comes to cuisine. She was heading north to Lapland when she left me, so she may end up in your neck of the woods before too many months have passed. Make sure you treat her well.
You flatter me immensely. I’m not the same woman I was in my mortality. Even I, once called unmoveable and unflammable, have undergone many changes. Although it does require a certain degree of stillness when balancing candles on your crown. But I’m certainly not deserving of such words these days. The most I can offer is to tell of the world as I see it. I hope my advice is of some help.
Don’t pay any heed to what some have been saying about you, you haven’t done anything wrong. Of course you’ve come a long way from your days as a jolly old elf, but that was over a hundred and fifty years ago! Who wouldn’t change in that time? It’s not as though your nay-sayers have been steadfast over the centuries. When was the last time Saint Nicholas stuffed dowry into a poor girl’s shoe? That just wouldn’t go over in this day and age, and Nick knows it. People change with the times. Even Father Christmas has come a long way since his days as a brownie, making demands of rice pudding. (And frankly, I think the good people of this world are better off not having to pay him ransom for their own luck.)
Now those accusations that you’ve gone soft in your old age are even more ridiculous. You’ve always had a soft spot for the children. Honestly, how many lumps of coal have you actually placed in stockings, even in the olden days? Not a whole lot. It’s not as though the others have stuck to their guns. It’s been a long time since Sinterklaas has actually taken his rod to a naughty kid, much less stuff them in a bag and drag them off to Spain. Even Pere Fouettard himself has hung up his bundle of switches for good, leaving Noel to travel alone.
You’re young yet, so don’t let Nick get to you. He’s just used to being the big kid on the block. He hasn’t been the same since the Belsnickle dissappeared and Black Peter went to go work with Sinterklaas. People often confuse him with you and Kris Kringle, and it upsets him. If you think he’s been harsh on you, you should hear what he says to little Kris. Ever since he grew too big to come in through the keyhole and stopped working with the Weinachtsmann as the Christkindl, Nicholas has been giving him a hard time.
Your friend Harry knows what he’s talking about; listen to him. For a Jew, he really has a good grasp on the spirit of Christmas. I don’t want to be the one to tell you what company to keep, but I think his friendship is good for you. You need more friends like him. You also need to get out of the house more. Why don’t you come out to celebrate the New Millenium with us this year? Bring the wife with, if she’s feeling up to it. Peter will be there. (He’s going by the name Pelzebock these days. I do wish he’d make up his mind: Ruprecht, Krampus, Peter, Pelzebock… It’s all horribly confusing.) The Bubbe and Zaydie are planning on putting in an appearance; I don’t think you’ve met them. For the number of grandchildren they claim, they’re certainly a spry little couple. Come on out. It’ll be good for you. And of course, I’ll be providing the grog.